For this post, describe in detail an interpersonal conflict situation, real or hypothetical. Describe in detail the setting/context of the conflict, the people involved, the main problem, and the possible causes. Try to identify the feelings of the people involved. Finally, while considering the main problem, articulate it in the form of a question that might be answered in the form of a possible solution by the members of your blogging group.
This incident happened during the fifth day of my Hall's orientation. We were having our activities at Sentosa and the games ended as dusk fell. We split into our various blocks and were left to plan our own night activities. Many of us from block F wanted to watch a movie at Vivocity but it was overly crowded. So we decided to borrow the Hall's projector to view our movie in our block lounge. However we weren't the only ones who had the idea and there was only one projector back in Hall.
Then Lucy* from Block E called my block friend John* asking for the projector. All of us were disappointed. After the call, what I understood was whoever reaches back Hall first get to use the projector. We also realise that they were on their way back already. To outwit them, I called up a friend who is already in Hall to bring the projector to his room.
The conflict started when Lucy called John to ask if we knew what happened to the projector. Apparently they thought it was lost. When John told Lucy that we had the projector, Lucy was so furious! She was crying and yelling vulgarities at John over the phone. It was shocking as I have never heard Lucy to be so angry before. Later on I gathered that Lucy, being the new E Block Head, wanted to do something for her block residents. This movie screening meant a lot to her as it was her first initiative. She even bought snacks for it. She was greatly disappointed when she had to cancel the movie screening.
Feeling partly responsible, I told John we had to talk to her. I was crying out in my heart, "Why such things must happen after such a tiring day and why I should go through this especially when it was totally unintentional! I mean you don't have to cry over it. I can return the projector if it meant so much to you. I treasure our friendship more!"
Reconciling was tough. John and I went to her room. Her friends told us she did not want to even see us. How hurting those words were! As I couldn't leave this matter like this, we pursued Lucy to her room. When she saw us, she locked herself in her room together with her friend. I could hear her crying and muttering phrases of unfairness outside her room.
How would you have responded in this situation given that you also treasure the friendship that you share with Lucy?
*fictitous names was used to keep the confidentiality of the matter.
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Additional Reading - What happened after that:
Phrase by phrase I gave my apology and explanation of the situation. Her friend came out and asked us to leave, advising us to just give her some time to cool down. I consistently asked to find a chance to talk to her after that but we were busy and we allowed time to bury the incident and treated it never happened...
This incident happened during the fifth day of my Hall's orientation. We were having our activities at Sentosa and the games ended as dusk fell. We split into our various blocks and were left to plan our own night activities. Many of us from block F wanted to watch a movie at Vivocity but it was overly crowded. So we decided to borrow the Hall's projector to view our movie in our block lounge. However we weren't the only ones who had the idea and there was only one projector back in Hall.Then Lucy* from Block E called my block friend John* asking for the projector. All of us were disappointed. After the call, what I understood was whoever reaches back Hall first get to use the projector. We also realise that they were on their way back already. To outwit them, I called up a friend who is already in Hall to bring the projector to his room.
The conflict started when Lucy called John to ask if we knew what happened to the projector. Apparently they thought it was lost. When John told Lucy that we had the projector, Lucy was so furious! She was crying and yelling vulgarities at John over the phone. It was shocking as I have never heard Lucy to be so angry before. Later on I gathered that Lucy, being the new E Block Head, wanted to do something for her block residents. This movie screening meant a lot to her as it was her first initiative. She even bought snacks for it. She was greatly disappointed when she had to cancel the movie screening.
Feeling partly responsible, I told John we had to talk to her. I was crying out in my heart, "Why such things must happen after such a tiring day and why I should go through this especially when it was totally unintentional! I mean you don't have to cry over it. I can return the projector if it meant so much to you. I treasure our friendship more!"
Reconciling was tough. John and I went to her room. Her friends told us she did not want to even see us. How hurting those words were! As I couldn't leave this matter like this, we pursued Lucy to her room. When she saw us, she locked herself in her room together with her friend. I could hear her crying and muttering phrases of unfairness outside her room.
How would you have responded in this situation given that you also treasure the friendship that you share with Lucy?
*fictitous names was used to keep the confidentiality of the matter.
-----
Additional Reading - What happened after that:
Phrase by phrase I gave my apology and explanation of the situation. Her friend came out and asked us to leave, advising us to just give her some time to cool down. I consistently asked to find a chance to talk to her after that but we were busy and we allowed time to bury the incident and treated it never happened...
5 comments:
Hi Peng Siang, when Lucy called to say she wanted the projector, you should have told her honestly that you were planning on watching a movie screening for your block as well.
You could have proposed that both Block E and F watch the movie together. Is it not possible to share? Sorry I don't stay in hall so I don't know.
Lucy was angry because she felt you went behind her back to steal the projector after you already knew she had the intention to use it.
So the way to appease her would be to say you are sorry, return the projector and watch the movie screening together. Anyway time heals all wounds.
Hi Peng Siang, your situation sounds really bad. I guess there is no use in finding who's fault it is at that point in time but i feel that the projector should have worked by a first come first serve basis. Perhaps Lucy was very worried that the projector was lost and that might have explained her huge reaction. She might also feel that her block residents were looking up to her to arrange to have a good time that night and she feels pressurized to do so.
To come up with a win-win situation, i would try to calm her as much as possible and offer to let her use the projector. At the same time, ask her whether both of your blocks could share the projector and watch the movie together. Most probably, all of you can even get to share her snacks too!
On your last note, you said that both of you allowed time to bury the incident and pretended that it didn't happen. I think that this solution isn't too healthy for your relationship. The issue must be addressed before your friendship can move on further, otherwise won't you feel awkward whenever you see her?
Cheers,
Chong Guan
Hey Peng Siang, my analysis of this situation is that Lucy probably feels that you sort of cheated in order to get the projector. She was already on her way back and the one who gets back first can get to use the projector. Hence, she may have felt that the usage of the projector was rightly hers. Moreover, it could be true that the pressure of the the new block head was pushing her a little too hard, hence the big reaction towards your act.
I guess at that point of time when she flared up, you could have suggested watching the movie together if the lounge was big enough. However, if not, I thought it would have been right to let her use the projector instead. However, since things have already soured, there is no point talking about what should have been and what should not have been.
For now, I think it is not wise to leave the situation as it is. This not only makes things awkward since you will still see her around in hall, and it also means that you have lost one friend. I think you can first break the ice again by dropping her a SMS to say that you understand that you were partly at fault and apologize for it. If possible, maybe you can meet up with her for lunch as it is always better to talk face-to-face so as to avoid misinterpretation. At the same time, it can also show your sincerity.
I hope things can be reconciled for you and your friend. Good luck! (:
Hi Peng Siang, I will also feel guilty if my friend were to cry and get angry with me. However, I think i will still go look for her even though I know that she may need some time to cool down. By doing so, at least she can see that I'm sincere in asking for her forgiveness. Or else, she may think that I neither care about how she's feeling nor our friendship. Sometimes, we may receive some hurtful remarks in return But if we were to put ourself in their shoe and be more understanding, it's easier for us to forget about those remarks.
Indeed, time can heals all wound. However, time can also cause people to drift apart. If conflicts were to be left as it is and treated as though nothing happens, it will only leave a scar behind. It gets worse when some people ignore each other in conflicts. They may end up ignoring each other for life. Therefore, it's important that people apologise as soon as possible to resolve the conflict immediately.
Hi Peng Siang, one of the ways to resolve the conflict is to repair bad feelings and I agree with Chong Guan that you should not let the matter rest as if nothing ever happened. Do think of ways to reestablish the friendship you once had with her. All the best!
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