Blog Post #2 - Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

For this post, describe in detail an interpersonal conflict situation, real or hypothetical. Describe in detail the setting/context of the conflict, the people involved, the main problem, and the possible causes. Try to identify the feelings of the people involved. Finally, while considering the main problem, articulate it in the form of a question that might be answered in the form of a possible solution by the members of your blogging group.

This incident happened during the fifth day of my Hall's orientation. We were having our activities at Sentosa and the games ended as dusk fell. We split into our various blocks and were left to plan our own night activities. Many of us from block F wanted to watch a movie at Vivocity but it was overly crowded. So we decided to borrow the Hall's projector to view our movie in our block lounge. However we weren't the only ones who had the idea and there was only one projector back in Hall.

Then Lucy* from Block E called my block friend John* asking for the projector. All of us were disappointed. After the call, what I understood was whoever reaches back Hall first get to use the projector. We also realise that they were on their way back already. To outwit them, I called up a friend who is already in Hall to bring the projector to his room.

The conflict started when Lucy called John to ask if we knew what happened to the projector. Apparently they thought it was lost. When John told Lucy that we had the projector, Lucy was so furious! She was crying and yelling vulgarities at John over the phone. It was shocking as I have never heard Lucy to be so angry before. Later on I gathered that Lucy, being the new E Block Head, wanted to do something for her block residents. This movie screening meant a lot to her as it was her first initiative. She even bought snacks for it. She was greatly disappointed when she had to cancel the movie screening.

Feeling partly responsible, I told John we had to talk to her. I was crying out in my heart, "Why such things must happen after such a tiring day and why I should go through this especially when it was totally unintentional! I mean you don't have to cry over it. I can return the projector if it meant so much to you. I treasure our friendship more!"

Reconciling was tough. John and I went to her room. Her friends told us she did not want to even see us. How hurting those words were! As I couldn't leave this matter like this, we pursued Lucy to her room. When she saw us, she locked herself in her room together with her friend. I could hear her crying and muttering phrases of unfairness outside her room.

How would you have responded in this situation given that you also treasure the friendship that you share with Lucy?

*fictitous names was used to keep the confidentiality of the matter.

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Additional Reading - What happened after that:
Phrase by phrase I gave my apology and explanation of the situation. Her friend came out and asked us to leave, advising us to just give her some time to cool down. I consistently asked to find a chance to talk to her after that but we were busy and we allowed time to bury the incident and treated it never happened...

Effective Communication Skills (Blog Post #1) by Peng Siang

"For your first post, explain why developing effective communication skills is important for you. Think about this assignment while surveying the topics in the textbook, The Science of Effective Communication in the Workplace."

The Frustrations of Poor Communication

It takes one to experience the consequences and frustrations of poor communication to truly appreciate the crucial need of effective communication. Whether it is learning minimally from a poorly delivered lecture, failing to coordinate an event properly due to miscommunication, or suffering from a strained relationship due to misunderstandings, it is not difficult to identify with these problems and the stress that came along with it! The occurrence of these problems would be greatly reduced if only effective communication is emphasized. I can still vividly remember how I panicked over a CCA welcome party and had to run all over the school simply because I failed to deliver effectively to my committee how I wanted the welcome party to be.

The Need to Communicate Effectively
There are 3 key areas of my life that demands effective communication skills to be exercised. The first is in the area of relationships. Staying in hall means I only have the weekends to spend with my family. This creates space for communication disaster as I don’t get to talk them as often. Hence, there is a greater need to learn to listen actively so as to understand them better. Just merely a few weeks ago, there was a misunderstanding with my friend. She was furious and hurt to the point of tears. My mind was frantically formulating the right words to explain the situation accurately, appropriately and seeking to adopt the right tone as I asked for an apology.

The second is teaching and mentoring. The need to present clearly rose rapidly over the past year as I found myself having to teach often in my church. I have been given opportunities to teach individual bible studies and small groups occasionally. The clarity of the lessons is of vital importance as it would affect the listeners’ understanding. I found the need to structure my thoughts, use visual aids, include relevant examples and analogies and even pace my speech so that it is not too fast to the listeners to catch!

The Constant Conscious Effort that is Required
I would suggest that there is a need to consciously put in effort to be an effective communicator. I believe that effective communication is not something you can simply learn and it will stay with you. From my personal experience, it always required additional effort to be clear in what you present, to clarify what you have heard, to ensure that your intention is not misunderstood in your writings. Hence, learning the science and developing the skills are just the stepping-stones. Only when coupled with practice and conscious effort can one become an effective communicator.

This is where it begins...

Here's a proper introduction for those who don't really know me. I'm Peng Siang, a year 2 physics student in NUS. I currently staying in King Edward VII Hall (a hostel in NUS campus).

This blog is set up primarily for academic purposes. I am taking this module ES2007S Professional Communication and part of its requirement is that I must blog weekly! How wonderful it is to be blogging as part of your homework considering I'm quite a frequent blogger and I enjoy blogging.

However due to the nature of this blog, I will still keep my regular reflections and posts back in my personal blog at http://p3ngsiang.blogspot.com/

As to why I took up this interesting module? Find out in the next post!